A shoe factory sends two marketing scouts to a region of Africa to study the prospects for expanding business. One sends back a telegram saying: SITUATION HOPELESS. NO ONE WEARS SHOES. The other writes back triumphantly: GLORIOUS BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY. THEY HAVE NO SHOES.

It Is All Invented. This concept comes from Benjamin Zander and Rosamund Stone Zander in their book, The Art of Possibility. If it’s all invented anyway, we might as well invent a story or a framework of meaning that enhances our quality of life, offers the Zanders. This way of thinking suggests that we can shift our framework to one where underlying assumptions allow for the conditions we desire. As new thoughts and actions spring from the new framework we can discover a new way of being – more peaceful and harmonious with what is.

The frames or paradigms our minds create define — and confine — what we perceive to be possible. Every problem, every dilemma, every dead end we find ourselves facing in life, only appears unsolvable inside a particular frame or point of view. Enlarge the box, or create another frame around the data, and problems vanish, while new opportunities appear.

Every story we tell ourselves is founded on a network of hidden assumptions based on perceptions at the time. It’s all a story, not just some of it, but all of it.

Here is a challenge for you to try. The next time you begin to invent a story based on underlying assumptions which contains unwanted conditions, feelings, or attitudes, first ask yourself: What assumption am I making that I’m not aware that I’m making, that gives me what I see? Then, ask yourself : What might I now invent, that I haven’t yet invented, that would give me other choices?

Some of the other questions suggested by Zanders in the 12 exercises of the book include:

• What would it mean to declare myself a contribution? Can you see yourself as “someone who makes a difference, accepting that you may not understand how or why”. The idea is to wake up every morning basking in the notion that you are a gift to others, placing into the background concerns of how important you are, how much money you will make, and other “world of measurement” standards.
• Can I give myself an “A”? Occasionally? Always? What’s keeping me from giving others an “A”? This exercise invites the practice of creating for others a “possibility to live into” rather than an expectation to live up to. Remember Michelangelo who is quoted as saying that inside every block of marble dwells a beautiful statue. Giving an A means keeping your eye on the statue within the roughness of the uncut stone.
• How is taking myself too seriously interfering with my ability to generate options and possibilities?
• How do I experience the alchemy of “we”?
• How can I be more present with what is? Using a practice of “presence without resistance” shifts the focus from “I don’t like what we’re in” to “what do we want to do from here”. The capacity to be present to everything that is happening without resistance is essential to creating possibility.

All is creation in process. Death only appears to be a frightful ending or loss when we look at it in isolation from the creative process. Within the ashes of death lie the seeds of new creation.

While we are busy mourning and grieving, clinging to what was, seeing death as an effect rather than a cause, the ashes lie still and unmoving. When we shift perspective and give our attention to the dead remains, we  see new life rising from ashes. Our attention feeds new possibilities.

What is the gift in this ending? we might ask. How can I draw from the material that remains in my awareness and build again? This is a crucial part of happiness: to embrace the rise and fall, beginnings and endings . . . to dance with the creation process rather than fear or avoid it.

Our obsession with death is an illusion. Nothing disappears but rather changes form. And it all becomes material for us to work with as we choose. We create our reality by choosing to either focus on the death/loss aspect or focus on the emerging life in a larger cycle, seeing the gift, the expanding possibilities.

Peace unfolds when we are not attached to any meaning in the decay or loss. Life continues as long as we have the desire to see the Infinite. The appearance of Death draws us ever closer to that which we ultimately seek - to return to the One.

Our relationships with others (and  work, money, health, etc) are  a microcosm of the larger creative process, ever evolving us toward Oneness. Anything we place value on begins to die and transform to something else. Joy comes from allowing, surrendering, acknowledging, what IS.

As soon as we become aware of something as ‘real’, it changes to something else - it can no longer be what is was before we noticed it.  Each time we reach a level of success - power, fulfillment, recognition, money, or whatever symbol says we are ‘there’ - the destruction cycle begins. We have created a ‘reality’ of success and then we begin to unravel it in order to create another expression of success.

Why? Because there is no ‘reality’ to this . . . we are playing in a world of possibilities, mostly without seeing our own power to create as we choose. None of this is really ‘me’. I am only the Love that allows this play to be.

In personal relationships the same dance occurs between male and female energies. We draw close to each other in search of the Oneness and discover something beautiful and almost immediately give it a label of success or happines or ‘love’. We make it a reality of cause and effect - oh, I did this, and look what I got! Then it begins to unravel and change to something else.

Death comes along the way - death of old beliefs, of our dreams of ‘true love’ fantasies, death of the ego trips of belonging to someone else. Soon we are hurt, disappointed, angry, because something seems to be lost, gone, over. We forget to look deeply into the ashes and resuscitate the life that wants to begin again.

What does it require to stay awake to the unfolding creative process? It is about clinging only to God / Love - listening to the inner voice of Love and Guidance - ignoring ego pleas to control or manipulate - choosing instead to see the magic and the beauty in everything. One mcment at a time.

When I find life a struggle, when the ‘moments’ seem to mush together, one of my favorite ‘prescriptions’ is to ask: Have I stopped seeing the Magic? Two  things help me ‘dance’ with life: One is time alone - time to be in the inner world and remember who I Am. Second is significant time with the other to allow Spirit to enter. In both cases, the whirlwind of life activities stop. I  have created an emptiness - to be filled by Spirit, stopping the chatter inside and out, to experience Self in my being and in the being of the other. This is the basis of the ‘mirror’ reflection of relationships - to look into the eyes of the other and know This Is Who I Am. Choosing to see the Divine in the Other.
Namaste.

The above quote is from Susun Weed, one of my favorite menopause transformation authors. (New Menopausal Years: The Wise Woman Way

I have been thinking about water recently and its influences on me. I am a fond proponent of feng shui and the use of the elements to create balance in our environments. I am also in the process of rearranging our whole house. We live in a historic 1895 home and for the last 2 1/2 years have been living in the owners quarters upstairs and operating the rest of the house as a B & B. Now we are moving from the upstairs which is a quaint, rustic attic space with all knotty pine (floors, walls, ceiling-all pine!) into the lower level which is 10 ft ceilings and touches of elegant Victorian styling….quite a shift!

What was interesting was that I was not finding ‘room’ for many things and in particular just did not feel inclined to bring down any of my extensive basket collection. I am notorious for piling things into baskets! Other ‘earthy’ type things just didn’t seem to want to come, like I just did not need the wood and earth elements anymore or had too much of it. My feng shui instincts said, hmm, water element…you need more water element! And it is no coincidence that we have been very much in drought mode here in Arkansas for months.

Now less than a week after this moving project and my awareness of water qualities lacking in my environment we are being deluged with daily rains! Yeah, glorious rain - all of nature is lapping it up, the frogs are ecstatic, the pond is full again so the fish are happy, and the green of the grass and newly leafed trees is breathtaking. It seems all of nature is in flow again. And I, settling into my new home environment, feel again the movement within, a sense of more spaciousness and nurturing flow within, guiding me in the direction of my desires.

Most of my coaching clients decide to try coaching to reach some specific goal or end result, they already have an idea of what it is they really want - they just feel stuck in some way. On the other hand, I have had a few clients that really can’t get in touch with what it is they are looking for, what that illusive happiness or fulfillment might be. In both cases, I highly recommend an exercise to uncover what it is that they are tolerating in their life.

What are the numerous things that you ‘put up with’ day after day, year after year? How have these tolerations road-blocked you and sapped your energy and passion?

You have probably heard the ‘positive attitude’ question posed: If you could not possibly fail, what would you set out to accomplish? Maybe it works for some people afraid of failure. But I sense that it is more common for women at menopause age to fear success, of being GREAT, being POWERFUL.

All the positive talk and affirmations in the world can not help someone who is so stressed by their ‘tolerations’ and so void of energy because of all the ‘pretending’ in their lives. Some things will need to drop away to make room for the forward movement. So maybe you would like to do an assessment - make a list of all the things that you are tolerating!

I invite you to share some of your insights - add your list or other thoughts on this process.

One of the questions that came up for me is “Does every thing actually have a Purpose?” Instead of dealing with guilt and regret because I took a nap and didn’t get the laundry done Saturday or feeling aggravated that I had to spend an extra hour on my computer trying to correct some problems - I am realizing that both the ‘nap’ and the ‘computer maintenance’ had a true purpose. It wasn’t that I didn’t want these in my life but rather that I was having trouble making room for them in my time schedule.

So what I am experimenting with now is a trick that not only works for handling household clutter but also mental or emotional clutter or even ‘time clutter’!

You might call it a reality check - it seems to be true that there is only so much space in our house and likewise only so many hours in our days. So if something comes along to distract or disrupt the usual plan then my question becomes “What is it’s purpose?” If I really do need a rest then the nap has a very valid purpose and I will gladly rearrange my work flow and time structure to allow for it. If on the other hand, I am avoiding doing something else from a place of resistance, and can clearly see that the ‘purpose’ is sabotage then I can excuse the notion of the nap and move on to something else on my list.

So you can see how this de-cluttering in your environment can carry over into many areas by simply asking the question - what is the purpose? Do I use it or love it? becomes Does it nurture me or serve a bigger goal? If not, toss it out, recycle or delegate it!

One of my clients has been an inspiration for me these last few weeks. I took the opportunity to actually help her with the process over several weeks of sorting through various parts of her home. One of the things that we have both enjoyed is uncovering beloved items and giving them a place of honor.

‘Kathy’ (not her real name) has been very open to this process of letting go, passing on things that could be useful or appreciated by someone else and storing away things that might one day be passed along to family or friends at a more opportune time. What Kathy is now enjoying is the new alive feelings that her home has as she is able to see and appreciate the many small things that have meaning.

We have rearranged photos to make them more attractive and enjoyable, displayed small photos and keepsakes on special shelves and wall areas that didn’t have any ‘aliveness’, added some new color and drama here and there with contact paper, scarves, greeting cards and stuffed animals,etc - all things that were there in the house but not being noticed. We found a special gold gift box to hold some special items that had been just piled in a drawer - not they are a true ‘collection’ to be enjoyed.

Just as it is important to remove objects that have any negative memories or history, it is also very important to honor and celebrate the things that recall loving memories and bring new energy; that represent the person you have now become. If you haven’t been through this process in the last 3-5 years you may be surprised at the changes that you discover about what is now important and sacred and what is not!

And don’t forget to celebrate your new sacred space - maybe a party is called for! Light some candles and bring out some refreshments and enjoy sharing your space with some friends.

You are welcome to share your success stories - click on comments.

I have a suggestion to offer - let’s make it simple and perhaps even fun! My most successful way to begin anew and invite newness into my life is the process of de-cluttering.

Now you are thinking - de-cluttering is fun? decluttering is simple? Well, de-cluttering can mean different things at different times - releasing, letting go, giving away, finding new purpose or reconnecting with deep meanings behind our ’stuff’. And likely in an ongoing project of de-cluttering I will go through all of these experiences.

Esoterically I believe that clearing out the ‘old’ makes way for the ‘new’. It is the oldest of truths, that all of life is a process of destruction and creation, birth and death. ‘Things, People, Jobs, Hobbies - all cycle in an out of our lives over time. And with each ending we invite in a new creation from our desires.

So how do we decide what is genuinely ‘old’ and ready to be gone? How can we give new meaning to things we want to keep?

The following blog entries cover some basic concepts that I have found helpful - you can apply them to simple organizing your office, your closet, your home - or maybe see how they apply to your relationships or your health!

You are invited to add your comments, success stories or helpful hints after each Step.

Usually a 2 or 3 hour block is most manageable - you can get something accomplished without gettng too fatiqued. Actually book this time in on your calendar book or set a timer, then turn off the phone ringer and send the kids off somewhere, whatever it takes to make this your time.

If even an hour or two block is difficult then go for a half hour project like cleaning out the medicine cabinet or sorting through all the shoes in the bottom of your closet.

I invite you to add your thoughts or experiences: Have you had success with doing 1/2 hour a day or 1 hour every Saturday and seeing results?

You are welcome to add your thoughts, suggestions or feedback on this step. What area of your home, office, or life could you tackle in an hour, in 2 hours?

This is a beautiful system if you start small and see how well it works. Even if you’re interrupted and have to leave, you don’t come back to chaos you have an empty shelf or drawer and a box of stuff waiting for you!

The main thing to remember is - pick up one item at a time to deal with, don’t lay it back down while you think about it and reach for another one!….next step tells you ‘how’ to handle it.

I invite you to add your thoughts or feedback on this step.