Why Does Life Coaching Work?
What is it in your life that is not working out? Are you having ‘problems’ with
Your job?
Your relationships?
Money concerns?
Where you live?
Your health?
Our western culture - or maybe the whole world! - is very fixated on problem-solving. Getting things fixed and finding solutions occupies the majority of our time. And do we ever get it all done to our satisfaction?
The self-development movement over the last 25 years has followed this path by offering zillions of How-To books, workshops, and techniques for improving one’s life. Has it worked for you? Or are you like so many that can say ‘been there, done that, got the T-shirt” and your life still feels topsy-turvy?
Coaching is quickly becoming a rage. A little over five years ago, when I first explored coaching as a career possibility, there were only a couple of training options and very few successful coaches with websites. Recently someone told me that in California now they don’t say ‘Do you have a coach?’ but instead “Who’s your coach?”.
Why does coaching work when so many other paths don’t seem to bring us the changes that we want? Following are some of my thoughts on reason why life coaching works:
Life Coaching is Holistic - as in your whole life. Not business coaching or relationship coaching or even creativity coaching. It is essential in the coaching process to explore the bigger picture of your life and how the pieces come together in the dance of life. You are a holistic being; you can’t change one aspect of your life without influencing another. If you are having difficulty communicating in your marriage the odds are that you are also having trouble communicating in your job situation, probably having money concerns also, and if this has been going on a while, your health is suffering. You could find a marriage or career counselor or a financial consultant or a doctor. Or you could look within yourself and explore the bigger picture of your whole life and see really wants to shift.
Life Coaching is Transformational. What doesn’t work in real life is placing band-aids on our wounds and expecting to feel better. What doesn’t help in the long haul is self-medicating our emotions with addictive behaviors. Temporary diversions and apparent fixes do not bring about transformation. True change occurs quite naturally when you explore the bigger picture; when you find out what is behind your desires and what is blocking your willingness to live your fullest dreams. Transforming old beliefs into new modes of action is the core of life coaching. I often refer to it as getting unstuck but I prefer to call it freedom to be.
Life Coaching is a path of Being vs. Doing. What you think you should be Doing (to get where you want to Be) is a trap. There is absolutely nothing that you need to do, nothing that you need to change. You are actually in the perfect place of being exactly what you are meant to be right now. To truly know your self is to know that your being is all that matters. We have all fallen into this trap of believing that what we Do is Who we are. I am a mother or I am a business owner or I am the one who pays the bills or the one who mows the lawn. That is not who you are-just what you do, layered on top of (smothering?) who you are.
Often clients say they want to learn to meditate or find new ways to relax deeply and contemplatively. I guide them through a process of discovering why they have this feeling. Why do they want to Do something else when they are already Doing too much? It is very difficult for us to learn to just Be. The mind gets in the way when you try to empty your self from this doingness. Mind convinces you that there is a right way and wrong way to meditate and there you are again, doing instead of being. Your mind is not going to like this answer…it is going to think it is a trick. Simply ask ‘for the purpose of?’ for whatever you think you need to be doing. Once you find a core answer you will recognize that it is a being place. Then you can explore how to be that and you can see that you are already that which you want to be. (If this doesn’t make sense then you now understand why I said the mind would think this is a trick. Working with a coach can help you through this temporary brain warp.)
Life Coaching is Finding Meaning. As a result of this tendency to problem-solve and struggle with life’s ups and downs, we tend to lose sight (and touch) with what has real meaning. Our daily conversations become mundane and boringly repetitive - all about things to do, timelines, and meeting the expectations of others. We find ourselves fighting to hang onto the things we think are important. Yet the things themselves have no real value and deep down we know this. Identifying your true values and motivations, your purpose for being, what stirs your heart and soul and gives you meaning and a reason to get up in the morning, brings about an ease and joy and lightness that makes you want to sing and dance and celebrate who you are. Then even the mundane takes on a new glow of vitality.
Life Coaching is Connectedness. There is something truly spiritual about the coaching relationship. As a coach I am primarily a witness to the process for my client. As a witness I have a unique opportunity to allow Spirit to take over and guide us both through the process. I remain curious and non-critical and am almost always amazed and awed by what occurs. In the space of a safe and sacred moment of two people talking about what is important and meaningful, a grace occurs of its own accord. For me, I am aware of a third Presence that enters our conversation. Insights appear from that genuine right-brain, right-consciousness place. Loving moments of honesty and depth create space for a sense of oneness revealing that we are all in this together. We are both uplifted and energized by this interaction. And it happens again each week - on the phone or in person. We can let go of our apparent separation and relish the moments of oneness.
Learn about Cynthia’s Soul Coaching Options
My new eBook Living the Perfect Life:A Spiritual Inventory for Self-Mastery is now available for download - read more here. (If you would like to read a sample chapter you can sign up for my monthly newsletter “COMING ALIVE!” and receive a free excerpt - Chapter 5: Becoming Visionary.