‘The Work’ of Byron Katie

How are your ‘stories’ about your life making you miserable, draining your energy and time? And maybe even making you sick? The stories we make up about what has happened to us ultimately cause all our suffering and confusion.

I want you to be free of your ‘stories’ because I know in that freedom you will find peace…and love. You are not your stories. All the anger and sadness and frustration of your relationships with others (and yourself) will disappear, leaving you with only joy.

This is not a magic trick and it is not something you just do as a therapy to fix a certain situation. Finding the truth behind (or under) your thinking processes is actually a complex skill that can become a significant part of your life, a way to finally conquer the thought patterns that hold you captive. You can not continue to run from your thoughts - and going to war with them doesn’t work either. You can not stop your thoughts for more than brief moments. You can, however, learn to face them with understanding, using a system of open, compassionate inquiry.

When you get to know your processes of mind, gradually the mischief of the mind fades away. The mind is an amazing machine and examining it for what it is (not you) is a worthy task.

I have been a student of this process for many years, having discovered first that the dark, upsetting thoughts were not just my experience but the experience of everyone! We all have these thoughts that anchor our stories, tens of thousands of times a day! I have studied and utilized a variety of methods of ‘positive thinking’ tools over the years, but none of them gave me the comfort and peace that merely asking ‘Is this me?’ has brought.

Several years ago, I discovered Byron Katie and what she calls The Work. At the time, it seemed very congruent with how I was dealing with the situation of thought-overload and emotional distress. Her ‘Is it true?’ felt very much like my ‘Is it me?’ It wasn’t long before I began to teach this system of Inquiry to others in coaching sessions and classes on relationships.

Katie’s The Work is a set of 4 questions (she refers to it as Inquiry), plus a statement that she calls the Turnaround. All are applied to a thought, belief, or story that is bringing some obvious pain into our life.

Is it true?

Can you know for certain that it is true?

How do you react when you believe that thought?

Who would you be without that thought?

And finally, you create a new version called the turnaround.

Katie suggests writing down your painful thoughts and examining each with Inquiry. I love that this is such a simple self-help tool and that, with continued use, becomes a new way of experiencing life.

She suggests that you do The Work on concerns or judgments about others before you do the work on yourself. Begin with thoughts like ‘My mother should—‘, ‘my husband needs to—‘, ‘my boss doesn’t—‘, before you try ‘I should be more—’.

If you have been working on this kind of self-improvement for years, you probably don’t actually SAY these kinds of things often. Even when we don’t speak them, the thoughts are there in the background (monkey mind or gremlin voices). You may get irritated or disappointed at your husband (or girlfriend) about some little pattern of behavior and never speak a word. In your mind, though, is the story—‘he never remembers to take care of ___’. In your mind, is the thought, ‘He SHOULD take care of ___’ And, maybe, ‘He doesn’t care about me.’

In Byron Katie’s book, Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life, she acknowledges that she does not consider herself an ‘enlightened’ being but rather that she is a woman who knows when she is suffering and when she is not. She knows that her suffering is from the confused state of arguing with reality, arguing with what is.

Intriqued? If this Inquiry work appeals to you and you want to earnestly explore the possibilities of stress free relationships with family and friends (and yourself), and you are willing to uncover the ‘lies’, the ‘stories’ you are telling yourself, I am available to offer you a session or two of one-on-one assistance with Inquiry. Being guided by someone who is experienced with it will greatly improve your learning curve for incorporating this into your daily ‘work’.

You can also work on this on your own - download  the Judging Your Neighbor Worksheet and a guide for the 4 Inquiry questions at www.thework.com. You can also learn more about Byron Katie and see videos of The Work on her website.